It's hard to figure out how to do everything that I want to do. Not just that, but it's hard to do everything that everybody else wants me to do. The thing is, I really want to do it all!
I need to take a break from helping others to just get my own house in order. I LOVE MONDAYS and I'm happy to say that today, . . .
I made pancakes and eggs and all 4 of us sat down to eat breakfast before work and school w/o rushing! (That literally might be a first.) I got to Dylan's school early so Isaac and I could play on the playground w/ him and his friends before Corrie got there to give me Noah. I ran 3 miles pushing Noah and Isaac, and even remembered to pack an extra hoodie and some blankets for Noah. (It was 55 degrees this morning!) We went to Publix and got dinner items. We came home, ate lunch, and started potty training Isaac (more on that another day). Noah took a 3 hour nap, and Isaac and I cleaned the pool and documented some of the potty training fun, then took a 2 hour nap together. We all woke up, had snacks (and more liquids), then Noah played with Isaac so I could make enchilada casserole and brown rice for dinner so it would be ready by 5. I cleaned the house, and my family of 4 ate dinner together! Then we went to the park so Dylan and Isaac could ride their bikes then play on the playground until the park closed. They both had baths, brushed and flossed, we read scriptures, and they were both in bed by 9 (that's actually an hour ahead of schedule)! I had left overs packed for lunches and the dishes done by 10!
I think I only thought about my little family today, nobody else; and that's what made the difference in how productive I feel.
Here's the thing, I LOVE doing things for others b/c I can! I've been thinking about why I don't like to say no. I really really like doing things for others, as long as I feel like I'm doing something that is appreciated, or that only I can do, or to save somebody $, etc. Then, on my vacation, I was sitting in the Relief Society room next to Amber, and read the Declaration that was printed up nicely above the white board. 
The Relief Society Declaration states:
We are beloved spirit daughters of God, and our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction. As a worldwide sisterhood, we are united in our devotion to Jesus Christ, our Savior and Exemplar. We are women of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who:
~ Increase our testimonies of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study.
~ Seek spiritual strength by following the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
~ Dedicate ourselves to strengthening marriages, families, and homes.
~ Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood.
~ Delight in service and good works.
~ Love life and learning.
~ Stand for truth and righteousness.
~ Sustain the priesthood as the authority of God on earth.
~ Rejoice in the blessings of the temple, understand our divine destiny, and strive for exaltation.
That was my "Ah ha moment." I take pictures, babysit, cut, sew, create, loose sleep, volunteer, email, help, etc for others b/c it's part of my religion! Ok, so it's not really part of the doctrine or anything, but I really do want to use my talents to benefit others. I do delight in service and good works and I love life and learning! I'm a part of the largest women's organization out there, and even though I don't know if I've ever read the official declaration before, that's who I am - all of those things! I get stressed out when someone suggests I stop doing one of my activities. But that's why I volunteered to be the PCDHA president, and why I do so much extra little things for work and my patients, and why I always try to help friends find the perfect job, or why I like taking extra continuing education classes, and why I say yes to taking photos, and volunteer to help with eagle projects and Bar Mitzvah projects, and baby showers, and birthday parties, slide shows, etc. I don't really see it as a problem that I say yes. It makes me so happy to see others happy! (I appreciate it when somebody does something for me too.) I'm actually thinking of how to tell my friends that for my 30th birthday, I'd like to do something crazy like my other friends, but my idea is to get our friends all to help build a house for Habitat for Humanity. Weird, I know, but that's really something that I think would be fun! I liked mudding the cinder blocks when I did it before w/ some friends and my brother.
I do realize that my husband and kids need more quality time with me, and not just quantity of time though. When I'm home w/ them, sometimes I sit at the computer and think that we're all home together, and that should be good enough. I need to set aside time to keep my computer off, and to only help others in designated times, that doesn't inconvenience my family.
On Saturday night, I went to the adult session of my church's Stake Conference. That's where the adults in our county get to listen to inspired speakers. First, I found out that the first week in November is the "Week of the Family." Some of our church members are going to be at MOSI from 1-6 on Sunday November 1st to talk about some of our family programs like family history and family home evenings. The attendees of the conference were reminded to read to our children and to focus even more on our families. How appropriate for what I had been thinking about!
The rest of the meeting, to me, the theme was about service. The first talk was literally about out-of-home service opportunities. I liked that validation:) The next speaker spoke about faith building experiences, which reminded me to write in my journal more about the ah ha moments. ('Til then this blog will do.) The next topics were on service with specific emphasis on missionary work and temple work (anybody want to go?!) There was a lot more on faith, miracles, prayer, etc. I honestly got more out of the Saturday evening session than the Sunday morning one, and I think it's because I had my energetic boys with me on Sunday. My dad has told me that I should never miss the Saturday evening sessions because he gets more out of them as well. I really liked last year's as well. My mom was a sort of guest of honor. It was so spiritual! My point of this whole free-write-post, is that I may need a lot of work with time management, and I'm still learning, but I can't fight what's simply a part of me. I just need to designate times to sleep in to cuddle with my babies, get up early to make warm breakfasts, go to bed early when the family does, stay up all night to get work done, keep the computer off some days, etc. I like it all, but nothing is more important than my family.
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7 comments:
Yay! So, how did the day that was focused just on your family feel? Besides being productive. I mean, did it make you want to do that more often? I like that idea. I need to designate days just for my family. I have the same problem of trying to do too much, but I don't do nearly as much stuff as you do! I am also a people pleaser and I like doing things for people. But sometimes it is really hard on my family because I complain about having to do it and they have to hear me gripe. I've decided that the thing I need to work on the most is this: When I say yes to something, then I need to do it with a smile on my face. If it becomes a burden, then I need to either cancel, or keep the complaints to myself and know not to offer my time in the future. Anyway, I love this post Tiff. And I love you for being such a thoughtful, giving person. It really does make you who you are! And you will definitely be blessed for the things you do for others! I know this is a small thing, but when I send out cards, I always think of you first because I know you will really appreciate it more than anyone else will. We didn't send out very many Halloween cards this year, but I made sure you got one! Not only because you will appreciate it, but also because you do so much for me. Oh, and I've been meaning to tell you...please don't feel obligated to make any snowflakes for me! Seriously! I mean, if you want to, I'd love them, but if you get too busy then they can be the first thing you cross off your list! :)
Whatever, Lacey. You know I like cutting snow flakes, and I will only say yes if I want to do it. I've cut some already. That's the whole reason I hesitated writing this post, b/c I do things for people who read it. BUT, I really do want to do the things. I know I need to find better ballance, and say no more, but if I say yes, then I'm committed. Plus, you gave me lots of time.
I committed to doing a slide show for somebody (which I'm happy to do), but then that person thought I would also go through boxes and boxes of photos to pick which ones to include. I did say no to that. I'm not going to scan them in either, we're going to send them to Matt's business partner who will put them all on CDs for us. I was proud of myself for not agreeing to that even though I could.
and it did feel good to get things done. There's just a little bit of guilt for not even downloading Jolyn's baby's newborn photos, but I know I'll be tempted to drop everything to go through them all and get nothing else done once I see them:)
The one thing I'd LOVE to outsource is my blog books! Any volunteers out there?!?!?!
And yes you DO do more stuff than I do. You're more efficient too, Lacey. I might do more of a variety or something like that, but I was thinking of my role models, and you're one of them. I meant to mention that b/c one of the speakers mentioned that we should all have role models, and we need to make sure they're good role models and see why. I'll keep you as one of mine.
Wow. Great post. It says so much about you. And either you went back and revised everything in this post after you wrote it or you're an incredibly organized, clear-thinking free-writer! I loved reading about your Monday. It sounds perfect.
You inspire me all the time Tiffany. You might feel spread thin sometimes but I am always AMAZED with all you do WITH A SMILE. You are the only person I know who could make babysitting someone else's child (on TOP of everything else you do) seem like it was working out better for you than the anonymous mom :) you did the favor for!
While you might still be "perfecting" your balancing act don't ever doubt the good you do and how much you inspire others (me!) to be more like you.
Point being: You rock and hot breakfasts are overrated :) (*Unless you are enjoying them as it sounds like you did on Monday... if you do them in a huge rush and see them as an obligation like me... then they are overrated :)
Thanks for a great and thoughtful post, Tiffany! I love reading what you are thinking about! I've also been thinking about these issues and about Elder Oaks talk from a few conference sessions ago called Good, Better Best. I try to think about accomplishing the Best things first and realizing that because I accomplished those things, I've had a successful day. It is hard though. There are a LOT of things to accomplish each day. And a LOT of things that I want to do...
I was reading another talk today from this General Conference. Elder Bednar is talking about how he and his wife were really good and consistent about prayer and scripture study with their family, even when it was hard and the kids didn't seem to get much out of it. He says that "(We) thought that helping our sons understand the content of a particular lesson or a specific scripture was the ultimate outcome. But such a result does not occur each time we study or pray or learn together. The consistency of our intent and work was perhaps the greatest lesson--a lesson we did not fully appreciate at the time."
This just reminded me that it we keep in mind a good and positive intent (along with the work), that those days that are crazy, intense and insane will not be the driving force in shaping my child :). To me, this means that I must remember who I want Nora to become, and keep this in mind as I try to go about my crazy daily life, working on doing those little things (like singing good primary songs, hugs, speaking kindly to and about others, prayers and scriptures) that will hopefully help my family to become the kind of eternal family that I want us to be.
I hope that makes sense. I'm proud of you on those good days, but also proud of you on those not so good days, where you don't cross much off you "to do" list, but you call an old friend and listen to her complain, rush across town to make it to a baby shower with a lovingly handmade gift, those days that your floor may not be clean, the boys may have gone to bed late, but that everyone is hugged and kissed and told I love you...those are the best days too :)
XOXOXOX
Betsey, I listened to that talk about crazy kids saying "she's looking at me" at FHE 3 times. I do think I need to be more consistant. We went to the park last night and didn't turn on the TV and I called if FHE. It's a little hard to get the whole family to do the churchy things we're supposed to do, and I know I need to initiate it, so I'm making more of an effort to just do it even if I don't see immediate results. And the other things like being kind and not gossiping and the things you were talking about too. Being good examples and being consistant are so important.
and Marcie, what? You're so good and are so organized, and have hot breakfasts every day. It's funny that I blog about the one time I cook breakfast and you blogged about the one time you didn't:) I bet you aren't really rushed. You get up earlier. Everything feels rushed when you have 3 kids to get ready I bet. I only have 2 in the mornings. You still do everything, and can have a smile, and work a lot more than I do!
I have so many more thoughts than what I fit into this post. I know every mom has similar thoughts about ballancing and prioritizing and feeling that mother's guilt. Steven thinks blogs are all about venting about how our lives are so dificult, but then he tells me that he deals w/ people with real problems about having to work 3 jobs, keeping kids off of the street, wondering where food will come from, addictions, and crime and scary stuff. He thinks I and my friends have it so easy. I think they aren't so different from us though, we all need to do what we do to survive and to provide the best environments for our kids. I think anybody can talk about it. And I'm not complaining, I'm so blessed! It's just good to figure myself out more, and to connect w/ my friends:)
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