Saturday, October 26, 2013

Pregnancy Brain

In one day, I double booked a lot of things.

I booked a 10am photo session and a babysitter for Tyler and Ivy.
But there was no school so I would have 6 kids that day. Luckily half of my kids went to their Mamaw's house. The other half went to the babysitter's house and the photoshoot was awesome.

I am supposed to pick up organic produce from the sponsor lady in the afternoon. I set an alarm reminder for when I'd be exiting the kids' car line from school. But there was no school. So I forgot and was too busy to have my phone on me and didn't remember. Steven actually remembered when we were on our way to soccer.

I had a Friday with just my kids so had a lot of things I could do like the pumpkin patch, give them hair cuts, take an uninterrupted-by-dang-car-line nap, get a jump start on their book reports and homework, shop for birthday presents, go for a run, upload/download photos, etc. But, the day before, I decided that those things are a little selfish and I need to do what Steven would appreciate the most - a clean house. (He would have suggested that I cancel the photo shoot too of course, but I couldn't.) So I asked my cousin to come over and help. Because I can not manage to do normal things and I was no longer in control. In the evenings, I sit to watch TV with Steven and notice the clutter under the couches but I have no energy to crawl under and get it out. I instead fall asleep on the floor there, or if Tyler is particularly needy, I fall asleep in the bed next to his crib (or let him fall asleep in our bed with me.) Anyway, my cousin said she'd come over after lunch. We threw out two huge black trash bags full of clutter and filled another with things to give away. She was amazing and I couldn't have done it without her. But Tyler and I did not get a nap and I forgot to pick up the produce and didn't think about dinner.

I have been excited for our church's Halloween party. Maybe it's not called a Halloween party since that has some evil connotations in some cultures etc. Anyway, I even invited friends and was planning on inviting others. It has been on the calendar and I was excited to see certain friends' costumes and to be there to see how my party planning friend did with her first big event. But it was the kids' last soccer games at the same time. The night where they get their medals. I was so bummed.

My biggest disappointment was missing the church event. Steven's was missing dinner. There was pizza after the soccer games, but this year, it was only for the players. We went to pick up the produce then went to Stake and Shake where the kids got shakes and I got a frisco melt and Steven got a grilled cheese. Then I went to bed.

I know that it's all my fault. I know that I bite off more than I can chew. I know I am slow at everything I do, but I also know that I'm in charge of my own attitude. I woke up before 5am and spent an hour letting the computer warm up to me again. I watched a really old Jamie Lee Curtis movie, The Fog, while editing and finishing a client gallery. Then I made chocolate chip pancakes and eggs and sliced cold oranges. It was ready when the family one-by-one woke up. I literally have 8 more photo session folders to go. 3 are going in one gallery b/c a family broke their session up into three this year. And two are Barbie's birth and newborn ones. So in scheduling, I really only have 4 that I had planned for my Rocktober busy month. I always tell myself not to get stressed. I know going into October that it'll be a rough couple of months because of photography. My brother Martin's wise counsel one year was that everything that needs to be done WILL get done, so not to worry.  I went to a Women's conference a couple of weeks ago and the prophet told a story about a wife/mother named Tiffany who got so overwhelmed at the holiday season that it was affecting her physical health. If my husband would let me invite friends and their friends over for Thanksgiving dinner, then that could easily be my story. All she wanted was some home made bread. Well earlier that day, my step-dad had made me some home made bread. It's not that significant I guess, but I left with a horrible headache and I felt awful all over. I mentally know that I'm okay and that everything will be okay and that there are people all over who forgive me, but I need to be stronger myself! I went to bed even though I had planned on being spiritually uplifted and on fire being productive. Steven told me that I needed a day off. I called into church the next morning. I actually still went in b/c I had some obligations, but only for a short time.

So today is another day, and I'm going to be productive and happy! I have a schedule and will hopefully stick to it so I will stop making pie crust promises/commitments.


Aunt Kat said...

Aw, man! I'm sad that I hadn't checked your blog for a couple of days! Just know that you have LOTS of people who love you, and probably all of us are amazed at how much you get done and will completely understand anytime you get bogged down. (We'll also understand if you start saying you don't have time for things.) And seriously, you need to charge lots more for your photo sessions to make them worth all of the time you have to spend editing.

And Mom introduced me to a dinner miracle: Stauffer's frozen skillet meals. $3.97 at Walmart gets you a skillet meal that is a little too much food for me and Preston and all you have to do is dump the bag into a skillet and stir a couple of times over 12-15 minutes. If I'm extra energetic maybe I make toast or Minute Rice on the side, but seriously, so nice for last-minute dinners.

Barbie Feger said...

You are such an amazing wife, mom, sister and friend. You overdo because you want to make people happy, yes priorities need to be in place but what's funny is I didn't read your blog in way too long and I would have never known you were so stressed. We ALL look at you and wonder how you do it. Everyone of my family and friends that knows you says, "how does she so it all?" As I type this Clara is sleeping in my arms, yes I am thinking in the back of my mind, I should put her down and get things done. You are the one that has taught me no, hold her, kiss her, stare at her, let the rest go. You never said that to me but I learned by watching you be the amazing mom you are! Before my mom died she said I wish I would have played more. Your house full of scattered toys and nights without dinners aren't going to be what you are thinking about when your time here is up. You are going to remember playing with your kids and making memories. Yes, it's nice to have a clean house and dinner on the table and maybe you need to learn to say no to a few more things to keep your sanity, but I think you are doing an amazing job, I could never do it, I admire you and what you are capable of doing, all with a smile on your face!