Pregnancy Brain

In one day, I double booked a lot of things.

I booked a 10am photo session and a babysitter for Tyler and Ivy.
But there was no school so I would have 6 kids that day. Luckily half of my kids went to their Mamaw's house. The other half went to the babysitter's house and the photoshoot was awesome.

I am supposed to pick up organic produce from the sponsor lady in the afternoon. I set an alarm reminder for when I'd be exiting the kids' car line from school. But there was no school. So I forgot and was too busy to have my phone on me and didn't remember. Steven actually remembered when we were on our way to soccer.

I had a Friday with just my kids so had a lot of things I could do like the pumpkin patch, give them hair cuts, take an uninterrupted-by-dang-car-line nap, get a jump start on their book reports and homework, shop for birthday presents, go for a run, upload/download photos, etc. But, the day before, I decided that those things are a little selfish and I need to do what Steven would appreciate the most - a clean house. (He would have suggested that I cancel the photo shoot too of course, but I couldn't.) So I asked my cousin to come over and help. Because I can not manage to do normal things and I was no longer in control. In the evenings, I sit to watch TV with Steven and notice the clutter under the couches but I have no energy to crawl under and get it out. I instead fall asleep on the floor there, or if Tyler is particularly needy, I fall asleep in the bed next to his crib (or let him fall asleep in our bed with me.) Anyway, my cousin said she'd come over after lunch. We threw out two huge black trash bags full of clutter and filled another with things to give away. She was amazing and I couldn't have done it without her. But Tyler and I did not get a nap and I forgot to pick up the produce and didn't think about dinner.

I have been excited for our church's Halloween party. Maybe it's not called a Halloween party since that has some evil connotations in some cultures etc. Anyway, I even invited friends and was planning on inviting others. It has been on the calendar and I was excited to see certain friends' costumes and to be there to see how my party planning friend did with her first big event. But it was the kids' last soccer games at the same time. The night where they get their medals. I was so bummed.

My biggest disappointment was missing the church event. Steven's was missing dinner. There was pizza after the soccer games, but this year, it was only for the players. We went to pick up the produce then went to Stake and Shake where the kids got shakes and I got a frisco melt and Steven got a grilled cheese. Then I went to bed.

I know that it's all my fault. I know that I bite off more than I can chew. I know I am slow at everything I do, but I also know that I'm in charge of my own attitude. I woke up before 5am and spent an hour letting the computer warm up to me again. I watched a really old Jamie Lee Curtis movie, The Fog, while editing and finishing a client gallery. Then I made chocolate chip pancakes and eggs and sliced cold oranges. It was ready when the family one-by-one woke up. I literally have 8 more photo session folders to go. 3 are going in one gallery b/c a family broke their session up into three this year. And two are Barbie's birth and newborn ones. So in scheduling, I really only have 4 that I had planned for my Rocktober busy month. I always tell myself not to get stressed. I know going into October that it'll be a rough couple of months because of photography. My brother Martin's wise counsel one year was that everything that needs to be done WILL get done, so not to worry.  I went to a Women's conference a couple of weeks ago and the prophet told a story about a wife/mother named Tiffany who got so overwhelmed at the holiday season that it was affecting her physical health. If my husband would let me invite friends and their friends over for Thanksgiving dinner, then that could easily be my story. All she wanted was some home made bread. Well earlier that day, my step-dad had made me some home made bread. It's not that significant I guess, but I left with a horrible headache and I felt awful all over. I mentally know that I'm okay and that everything will be okay and that there are people all over who forgive me, but I need to be stronger myself! I went to bed even though I had planned on being spiritually uplifted and on fire being productive. Steven told me that I needed a day off. I called into church the next morning. I actually still went in b/c I had some obligations, but only for a short time.

So today is another day, and I'm going to be productive and happy! I have a schedule and will hopefully stick to it so I will stop making pie crust promises/commitments.

cinco de Mayo - I'm ready!

This is my excuse. 

For everything. 

For neglecting this blog, for it being 2 weeks since photo shoots that I haven't even given sneak peeks to yet. Anyway, here's what's been happening. We decided to go ahead and try for a 4th baby. Wanting a girl wasn't even one of the factors. We fully expect another boy. We weighed the pros and cons for months. Then one Fast Sunday I fasted and prayed and read scriptures and journaled. I wrote down the pros and the cons and, on paper, the cons seemed superficial. The pros seemed eternally worth it. So I knew what I wanted, but to figure out if it was best for our family was still the question. Steven and I decided that we'd try for a couple of months and if it worked, then yay. If not, then we're completely content with our 3 boys. 

We announced it to our parents and Andre and Barbie on Tyler's birthday by Tyler saying "There's a baby in mommy's tummy." That's how I tried to tell others, by Tyler telling them over the phone. For my sister Kat, I indian-sent her some maternity shirts - asking her to return them at Christmas. She figured it out. 

So I started out bloated. And it's only gotten worse. The "morning" sickness was worse in the morning AND the evening. I was nautious and tried to puke multiple times and even ran to the bathroom a couple of times, twice excusing myself from my patient at work, all in vein though. Even when I tried gagging myself I couldn't actually puke. I had a week of acne, then a month later another month. I have been tired. I NEED naps, long ones. I need to go to bed early too. I get sick to my tummy in the evenings. 

And I feel guilty. Maybe that's not an actual pregnancy symptom, but I'm neglecting a lot of people, places, and things. Time is flying by, not in a good way. The mornings are way too short, the evenings are way too long. Getting the kids through the evening routine and getting terrible-two-know-it-all-Tyler to sleep is exhausting. 

I find out if it will be a girl or boy on Thursday. That's 10 days from the appointment where I thought I would be finding out. They said they have a lab there now and that they'd do the test last Monday. Well, they do NOT have a lab, just a lab tech girl who sends my blood out to the lab. I was bummed and forgot to be so thankful that we saw our baby do sit ups, wave, kick, and wiggle all over in her ultrasound, and her neck fold looks good so she's healthy. Did you notice that? I just said "she." That day was the first day that I really wanted it to be a girl. I just think that would be more exciting. I'm nervous for barbies and princesses though. If I have a girl, I'll get her to like cars and superheros. 

Tae kwon do YA

Before kindergarten, Isaac started tar kwon do. He loves it of course. Tyler does not mind being there for two classes because there is a little baby girl there. He loves seeimg baby girl Bianca. She has a big sister in Isaac's class and a big brother in Dylan's class. Master Lee just had his 20 year anniversary of having his Champion Tae Kwon Do business. The boys tested and Dylan is now a senior brown belt and Isaac is yellow. 

I take all 6 kids sometimes on Mondays.